AND THE LACK THEREOF*

*we put the "mmm" in communism

about

This is the personal blog of Tim. Here, Tim writes on anything he has enough inspiration to finish a post on. That usually ends up being matters of science, pop culture, technology, religion, and philosophy.

This blog is around nine years old, which is over a third of Tim's current age. Back in 2003, it was called "Of Tim: Tim's life - or lack thereof", and it was as bad as you might expect the blog of a freshman in high school to be. Tim hopes that his writing is a little better, these days.

Tim welcomes any input that you, the dear reader, might have. Comments are very much appreciated, especially if you have a dissenting opinion. If you'd like to learn more about Tim, you might want to see his facebook or google+.

Also: Tim is a very avid consumer of various sorts of music. You may be interested in his playlists!

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Without fail, at some point every few years I think to myself "Man, I would be totally down with being sick right now". It's usually been a long time since I was last sick (in this case, I haven't been sick for 16 months), and I've forgotten precisely how miserable being sick is. Yet, for whatever reason, the thought of making sweaty love to my trash can and a box of kleenex doesn't seem so bad when I start thinking about how much I'd love to sit on my ass for a few days. My body is usually quite quick to make this wish come true, although I've begun to wonder if that's just the little microbes playing mind control games to get my guard down. Clever bastards.

Still, being sick does leave me with renewed appreciation for being healthy, which is something I've come to ignore as I keep smoking. It's hard to weigh consequences that are so distant against a pleasure so imminent, particularly when most of my smoking peers don't think much about it. And that, for me, is where most of the enjoyment of smoking comes. There's much to be said for the communal enjoyment of drink and smoke, which is how I started, in England.

The image of smoking in my mind plays a role, as well. I like defying the standard cliches. For many non-smokers, there's a very strong lack of understanding - they only know the nasty second-hand vapors that linger around the exits of every building, or the thoughtless smattering of crushed butts on cement. Careless addiction is certainly a feature of the demographic, but I like being able to understand that, and I don't really mind the association.

Call me crazy, but I've always wondered what the experience of real addiction would be like. A friend at L'Abri shared some powerful stories about his addiction and subsequent time in rehab. That's a reality I'll never experience - and while I'm grateful, I also wish I could truly understand what he was describing. His descriptions were impossibly dark and grotesque, and try as I might, I couldn't empathize. I had absolutely nothing to offer him beyond goofy antics and a pre-packaged idea of what God could do for him, even as I struggled to figure out what exactly God was doing for me. His experiences far overwhelmed my arrogance, however, and I was ultimately left speechless in the face of a reality that Christianity could not resolve.

Smoking's certainly a weak attempt to gain access to that understanding, but I can't say it's been an experience I've regretted. Now that I've learned something, I should probably kick the habit.

Guh.
posted by MC Froehlich at
Oddly enough, your thought process about smoking was similar to why I started smoking in high school (among many other factors).

But quitting is really hard =/ I made it like 36 hours when I first initially quit, though I've gone for a few days without smoking due to being around family that doesn't know I smoke.

At any rate, if you didn't know that I found your blog and am now reading, now you do. Very interesting stuff, I must say.
Anonymous Jessica Carcich said...
smoking destroys living tissue within your body - you are young and searching for truth and purpose in this life - should you find it, know that smoking now will limit opportunities in the future. I oft wondered if I'd make it to 25. Here I am at 52. Peers who smoked regularly have aged decades beyond me. It is so very sad. I care about you Tim.

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