*we put the "mmm" in communism


This is the personal blog of Tim. Here, Tim writes on anything he has enough inspiration to finish a post on. That usually ends up being matters of science, pop culture, technology, religion, and philosophy.

This blog is around nine years old, which is over a third of Tim's current age. Back in 2003, it was called "Of Tim: Tim's life - or lack thereof", and it was as bad as you might expect the blog of a freshman in high school to be. Tim hopes that his writing is a little better, these days.

Tim welcomes any input that you, the dear reader, might have. Comments are very much appreciated, especially if you have a dissenting opinion. If you'd like to learn more about Tim, you might want to see his facebook or google+.

Also: Tim is a very avid consumer of various sorts of music. You may be interested in his playlists!

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A while back, I came across a rather simple ytmnd that was just a clip from an old cartoon I was rather fond of.

Listen kid, love is the only chance for happiness you'll ever get in this life, and if you're gonna let a little thing like rejection stand in your way, maybe you just might as well stay right there on the ground 'cause people are gonna be walking all over you for the rest of your life.

Whenever I am faced with a conundrum for which I do not possess the wisdom to solve, I seek the insight of pretty much anyone that will listen. It's been a while since this I've felt the need to do this, but the diversity of perspectives that I encountered offered a significant amount of clarity into this issue.

!: "hit it and quit it"

I am young and possess every quality necessary to gratify all of my carnal desires. This will not be the case forever, and it is likely that I will regret it if I do not capitalize on this soon. I am at the stage in my life where experimentation and exploration is easy and approved of. Manipulation is to be expected, and should be embraced if I wish to avoid unnecessary attachment while maximizing my enjoyment. Love begins with the mutual abandonment of said manipulation, and is maintained with much sweat and tears. Outside of this, romance is at heart a cold-blooded affair, in which every word and action can be broken down into simplistic motives, none of which are noble or laudable in any way.

@: "don't be a manwhore"

Relationships are an enjoyable convenience that, when one is fortunate, might blossom into something worth keeping. Most of the time this will not happen, which is to be expected, and not to be mourned. With the appropriate mindset, attachment to casual partners may be avoided, but this is not an approach to be overused, lest I find myself incapable of escaping it, thus spoiling the opportunity for something more meaningful and long-lasting. True love is a fairy-tale. The simple reality is that my chances of being with one woman for my whole life are rather slim, and it is naivety to believe I am the exception. There is no magical match, only better relationships and worse relationships.

#: "expect nothing"

Searching for love is futile - it will come, or it will not. Love is rather like quantum physics - attempting to observe it will simply change the result, making it wholly worthless to try and predict or control. I should conduct my life in such a way as to survive as if love is not a possibility or does not exist.

$: "know thyself"

Happiness is primarily a matter of learning what is best for me. Each person is different, and thriving is a matter of finding deep connections. These connections can only occur if I know what it is I do and do not want, which requires a playing of the field, as it were. The better I know myself, the better the love (and the sex) I will eventually experience is going to be. Part of maturity is in figuring out the relationships that are worthwhile. Losses will be experienced, but I will be richer for them, and they will make future relationships better as a result.

%: "good things come to those who wait"

"The one" exists, somewhere, and every effort should be exerted to ensure that when I find her, it is as glorious and incredible as possible. Every possible form of attachment and commitment should be saved for the moment when this love is realized. Sex is an expression to be shared only with "the one", and to dilute it is to disrespect "the one" and dilute the relationship I will eventually experience. This love expects to be waited for, however long it might take - but it is a love that will reward back in spades for the effort.

It is unfortunate that all of these seem to contain elements of truth.
posted by MC Froehlich at
Anonymous A. Reader said...
Since you ask for input from "anyone who will listen," perhaps I will share some thoughts.

In my experience, sex is very fundamentally an emotional/spiritual act as well as a physical one. The emotional/spiritual dimension is based not only on my romantic feelings for my wife, and not only on our hard work and commitment and lifetime of shared experiences (both past and future, God willing), but most importantly on a full and complete trust in one another. Vulnerability is an essential part of emotional/spiritual sex, and it is impossible to be vulnerable without trust. Because I know that she knows me better than any other human does, and still loves me despite my faults, I never have to try to impress her. Because I know that she is fully committed to my well-being (as I am to hers), I never have to strive for my own gratification; rather, it is through serving one another, and receiving the same in return, that joy is derived.

Without a lifetime commitment, complete trust and vulnerability of this kind are not possible. I must put on a show for her (at least a little bit) in order to convince her not to leave me. And I must seek my own pleasure (at least a little bit) because I cannot be certain that she will be committed to it. Sex becomes taking instead of giving and receiving. The thought of having sex on that basis makes me shudder; thankfully I never have. However, there have been times when (due to relational difficulties I won't get into) I have experienced sex in which our commitment to each other's well-being was not fully there, and even that is a painful memory for me.

It might be noted that none of this requires some mystical finding of "the one". I worry that, when it comes to romantic love, many in our culture are so fixated on the (mythical) perfect that we miss the good. All that is required for what I describe above is to find someone you are willing to live with and to love who is willing to approach a relationship on a basis of mutual commitment to the other's well-being, and to be willing to do so yourself.
Anonymous danielreid said...
not planning is a form of planning ;)

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