*we put the "mmm" in communism


This is the personal blog of Tim. Here, Tim writes on anything he has enough inspiration to finish a post on. That usually ends up being matters of science, pop culture, technology, religion, and philosophy.

This blog is around nine years old, which is over a third of Tim's current age. Back in 2003, it was called "Of Tim: Tim's life - or lack thereof", and it was as bad as you might expect the blog of a freshman in high school to be. Tim hopes that his writing is a little better, these days.

Tim welcomes any input that you, the dear reader, might have. Comments are very much appreciated, especially if you have a dissenting opinion. If you'd like to learn more about Tim, you might want to see his facebook or google+.

Also: Tim is a very avid consumer of various sorts of music. You may be interested in his playlists!

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I AM SO DARN TIRED! Wednesday night held no sleep. Thursday night held no sleep. I can't go to sleep to 3:00 tonight. What fun is THIS? So very tired. Soooo tired.

The LAN party rocked. It SO rocked. I only placed below 3rd, maybe, 3 or 4 times. I ate like 4 pieces of pizza, and then I came home and ate a piece of chocolate roll, then I had two glasses of milk, another coke, I mean, WOW, I'm like, full. And very tired. As a side note: I'm writing this at midnight, but it will display as Saturday. Ugh. Saturday. One more day of break. Then 3 full weeks of skool. NOT COOL!

Back to LotR I go.
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More relatives...ugh. Tomorrow should be fun. Lots of Halo goodness.

I've been looking at my survey results. So far, 18 people have cast their votes. I feel rather hated. Just for those of you who don't know waht I'm talking about, I'll copy/paste the results here.

How is my overall physical attractiveness? (Worst ==> Best) 5.1
How annoying do you find me? (Not at all ==> Very) 3.4
How succesful am I? (None ==> Very) 5.7
How is my sense of humor? (Very Bad ==> Excellent) 6.6
How conceited am I? (Not At All ==> Very) 5.2
Am I a gentleman/lady? (No way ==> Very) 5.9
Am I charming? (No way ==> Very) 5.3
Am I polite? (No way ==> Very) 7.2
Am I honest? (No way ==> Very) 7.4
Do I come off as fake? (Never ==> All the time) 4.2
Do you trust me? (Not At All ==> Very Much) 7.3
Am I clumsy? (Not At All ==> Very) 3.8
Do I have a lot of energy? (None ==> A lot) 6.5
Do I have patience? (None ==> A lot) 6.1
Do I have good manners? (None ==> A lot) 6.4
How much do you want to kick my ass? (Not At All ==> Very Much) 4.7
Am I a workaholic? (Hardly ==> Very) 3.7
Am I a friendly person? (Jerk ==> Very) 7.2
Am I intimidating? (Not at all ==> Very) 2.3
Am I interesting to talk to? (Very Boring ==> Interesting) 7.1

I don't really know what to think. Do I treat it realistically, and take evry vote seriously? Do I look at it optimistacally, saying people like me more than they hate me? Or do I take it pessimistically, covering for what people probably wouldn't say. Oh, I don't know. Too many people took it as a joke to lower my self esteem, again. Not really what I needed. Maybe I should just take it down, and save myself some grief. But then again, I like seeing what people really think. ::sigh::

I need food. I haven't eaten all day. Yes, again. I never got that sleep I lost. No rest for me, while my relatives are here.

I updated the links section, by the way.
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Yay. It's Turkey Day.

I went to sleep at 3 AM. I watched X-2, and the second half of LotR: Two Towers: Extended Editon. My mom ::grumble:: woke me up at 9:00. Wasn't very cool. Ima go back to sleep soon. I'm very tired. I wasn't up this early yesterday. Ugh. Not cool.

X-2 was awesome. It was, just, awesome. Nightcrawler rocked. It was pretty cool.

I like the Two Towers a LOT more now. Was a cool movie.

Anyways, I'm gone.
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I took more quizilla tests. It appears I would be a white rose, too. Rather amusing.

Nothing has happened today. More relatives arrive at 7:30 or 8:00. More arrive tomorrow night. Even more arrive friday. Most of them leave Saturday. Ugh. I played lots of Gunbound, I'll play more, too. I have nothing better to do.
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Relatives are here...ugh.

Innocent Angel
Innocence. A true angel. Probaly a younger one. Not
yet shown the real way of this planet. Lemme
give you some advice, stay that way, for as
long as you can. The pure make it.

^*>,<*^Which Anime Angel Are You^*>,<*^
brought to you by Quizilla

yAy. I love getting results like that.

Nothing much to say, really.
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Gah. Today kinda sucked. Bah to preppies, they really annoy me. I wish they would just go away. They didn't really help my day at all. I'm running on a wonderful 16 hour sleep deficit! That means it's like I've been up for 72 hours straight! Wow. I can't take a nap, either. Stupid relatives. I wish they wouldn't come. I get kicked out of my room, and stuck with people I hardly know. I really have no desire to meet MORE relatives. But Jonathan will be here, though Rachel won't. :( Oh well.

Yesterday roxxored my soxxors. I was talking with Ben, and Alex. We made up a STORY!!! The general outline of the story:

Ben walked down the street, sat on a hook, Alex the horse came through a wormhole in time, I sang about hating kittens, Ben started molesting kittens, we ate kittens for Thanksgiving dinner, Alex died, Ben killed dead babies.

Need a recap? Too bad. I forgot to log the conversation. Dumb me.

We also talked about vietnam, pregnancy, STDs, drugs, flower girls, all at the same time. It was absolutely hilarious. And, no, Ben, Jesus would NOT be cool as a turkey.

I love my friends! Whoo!

Yes, Alex. "..."
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Yes, I have submitted to the pressure of taking these little questionaire thingies. I was bored.

[x] They call me: Tim
[x] Also: Tiny-typo-TJ-the totem pole-robotic-turtle-built for-pimpin'-speed-in Kuwait City- Say THAT 3x fast.
[x] Sex: Male
[x] My first breath of air: 3/31/89
[x] Age: 14
[x] Occupation: Gamer?
[x] Best friends: Daniel, Sam, all my church homies

[x] Most memorable memory: Watching my brother sprint down the street, and beat the living crap out of all my friends
[x] Worst: Worst that I will ever mention [:-D] the car with my friends parents, and 4 of my friends, I had my music up REALLY loud, and I couldn't hear anything. Including my humming. "Humming". Yes. I accidentally broke into song. Accidentally.
[x] First word uttered: Moth. Yes, moth.
[x] First bestfriend ever: Tim Ireland.

_______FAST FORWARD_______
[x] College planning to go to: Umm.....MIT? [ROFL TO GWEN!!!]
[x] Future resident of: Deep South.
[x] Wedding: Umm...short and sweet?
[x] Children: Four, hopefully, though 2 or 3 works.
[x] Looking forward to: Getting a girlfriend?
[x] NOT looking forward to: Not getting a girlfriend?

[x] Feeling: Pleasant.
[x] Listening: E Nomine: Vater Unser
[x] Talking to: Colette, Sho, Alyssa
[x] Doing: Eating yogurt
[x] Thinking of: Whoa there. Dangerous territory.
[x] Craving: Pizza
[x] Missing: Food. All I've had today is a pop tart.
[x] Hating: Me

[x] Song: Halelujah, by Newsboys.
[x] Radio station: 96.3, yes, the Christian-virgin station.
[x] TV show: Whose line, TRIGUN!!!!!
[x] Channel: 53
[x] Site:
[x] Movies: Gladiator, Matrix,
[x] Store: EB, Best Buy
[x] Mall: Pyramid. It WAS crappy, bt it's getting better.
[x] Hang out spot: .....K building?
[x] Actor: Russel Crowe, Tom Hanks
[x] Actress: Meg Ryan
[x] Character: Vash teh Stampede
[x] Book: LotR, Coldfire Trilogy

[x] Love is: whooo!
[x] First love: Not love, but crush.
[x] Love or lust: Love. Definately.
[x] best love song: Uh, love songs suck.
[x] Is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person @ the same time?: No
[x] When love hurts, you: Well, that's too bad, get over it.
[x] True or false- all you need is love: False.
[x] Is there such thing as love @ first sight: No

[x] Turn ons: Long, dark hair, thin, not really worried about looks, umm, calm, but not strictly so
[x] Turn offs: Taller than me, short hair, complaining
[x] Does your parents opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Nope.
[x] What kinda hair style?: Long, let down, or put up, don't matter.
[x] The sweetest thing a person can do for you: Notice me.

________PICKY PICKY_______
[x] Short or long hair: For the third time, Long
[x] Innie or outie: Innie
[x] Sunshine or rain: Both
[x] Moon or sun: Moon
[x] Basketball or football: Rugby rox. But I guess I have to choose football.
[x] Starbucks or jamba juice: Starbux.
[x] Written letters or e-mails: Written letters are nice, by emails are more convenient.
[x] Playstation or Nintendo: Nintendo, but it's been failing me with the crappy cube.
[x] Disney or nickelodeon: Both absolutely suck.
[x] Car or motorcycle: Motorcycle, but I'll prolly be forced to drive a car.
[x] House party or club: House party.
[x] Sing or dance: Sing.
[x] Freak or slow dance: I've never danced... :|
[x] Yahoo messenger or AIM: I would prefer Yahoo!, but all my friends use AIM.
[x] Google or Ask Jeeves: Google.

[x] Can you swim: Hardly.
[x] Most embarrassing moment: Ugh. Not telling.
[x] Stuff under your bed: Depends. In one bed it's just another bed. Nothing will fit under. My other one just has shoes.
[x] Greatest accomplishment: Lifting 400 lbs on the leg press.
[x] What sort of roof is over your head: I live in the basement. So I never see my roof.
[x] Tomatoes: They're tolerable.
[x] Internet connection: Cable, networked [by me] to 3 computers.
[x] How many phones?: [goes to count] 6 hooked, 10 that aren't.
[x] How many residents?: Four. Parents, me, person renting from our church.
[x] Number of DVD[s]: Personally, 3. My dad has, maybe, 75, wcombined with my bro's collections, over 350.
[x] Last dentist visit: Thursday before last.
[x] Last phone call: Daniel.
[x] Last IM: Sho.
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Umm. ok. Interesting day. Went to church, that was boring. Went to Miller's, that was fun. We played Gunbound, Mark came over, it was pretty fun. Other than that, it was very...Sunday-ish.

Yesterday was really really boring. Yet another Saturday of nothing. I spent all day playing Gunbound, and it really was not a satisfying day. [sigh] No complaining.

Only 3 days to Thanksgiving, 2 days till the break. yAy. Can't wait for the break. It will suck, though. So many relatives in our house. So much cleaning I'm going to have to do. But oh well.

I really need another shower. So I'm going to take one. And hopefully get some sleep. yAy.
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Most of today was good, but things went downhill in the past hour. As I read the results of my survey, I become incredibly horrified as people actually start telling me what they think. Am I really that concieted? [sigh]Just another thing I have to think about it. It seems recently I've been getting into plenty of debates, some worthy, some not. Where do I draw the line? How do I know when to back down on something that may not matter? Do understand I do not mean these recent debates, I mean, in general. I guess I've pissed an awful lot of people off......


Maybe tomorrow I can take my day somewhere constructive.

AS A SIDE NOTE: I beg of you, take that survey seriously. Too many people seem to think it's just a nifty little game I put together for everyone to play. I do not blame thes results on that, but judging by the list of people who took it....


[sigh] Let me retreat to the embrace of mt fantasy world, which, unfortunately, I will never reach.
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More conversations on homosexuality. Count this #5. The other 2 I had were really just repeats of previous happenings. This one was between a person I've only talked to once before, and hits a bit closer to my faith in God.

Goodi2shusbabi (9:18:12 PM): heylo
Steak220 (9:18:20 PM): hey
Steak220 (9:18:33 PM): here to debate, I presume?
Steak220 (9:18:40 PM): and you're kat, right?
Goodi2shusbabi (9:18:42 PM): hehe yeah
Goodi2shusbabi (9:18:44 PM): to both
Goodi2shusbabi (9:19:11 PM): and i have the most right to over either sho or zoe becuase it actually pertains to me (if i lived in mass.)
Steak220 (9:19:48 PM): yeah, zoe wasn't really willing to listen to what I have to say
Steak220 (9:19:55 PM): sho was, but I'm willing to talk more
Goodi2shusbabi (9:20:05 PM): ::folds hands and waits pstiently::
Steak220 (9:21:48 PM): ok, I'm a little less flushed now...
Goodi2shusbabi (9:21:54 PM): lol okay
Steak220 (9:21:54 PM): what's your first point to bring up?
Goodi2shusbabi (9:22:17 PM): why should two people who are in love, same sex or opposite sex be denied the right to make that legal?
Goodi2shusbabi (9:22:26 PM): and recognized by society?
Steak220 (9:22:57 PM): in a nutshell, I believe it is wrong, it's immoral, but that's just the opinionated part
Steak220 (9:23:52 PM): but I believe that homosexuality is unnatural, I believe it was produced by the confusion of our minds
Goodi2shusbabi (9:24:31 PM): in the eyes of a religion it may be immoral but do you think God would want us to suffer by trying to bend to the whims of society by not expressing our love for someone or be happy and together with those we love
Goodi2shusbabi (9:24:51 PM): it's scientifically proven that homosexuality is caused by a certain chemical present in the brain
Steak220 (9:25:19 PM): I am not too sure about the chemical presence
Steak220 (9:25:28 PM): there is no gay gene, it can't be inherited
Goodi2shusbabi (9:25:35 PM): thats true
Goodi2shusbabi (9:26:25 PM): but there is soemthing present in gay peoples minds that isn't in striaght peoples minds
Goodi2shusbabi (9:26:31 PM): its a proven fact
Steak220 (9:27:26 PM): i won't argue the presence of it, but you can also say of certain sicknesses, that the chemical can be produced later on in life
Steak220 (9:28:09 PM): a chemical presence may or may not mean muc
Steak220 (9:28:12 PM): much*
Goodi2shusbabi (9:29:46 PM): yeah well why should we be denied the right to display our emotions, why should we be scorned for our sexuality just because we're 'different' or not 'normal' whats the standard for being normal?!
Steak220 (9:30:09 PM): simple science can tell you something about it
Steak220 (9:30:53 PM): two guys can't reproduce, two women can't reproduce, now I know you don't have to have a baby in order to love, but that does say something
Steak220 (9:31:15 PM): in theory, if all people were gay, in 100 years, the world would be completely gone
Goodi2shusbabi (9:31:15 PM): yeah so
Goodi2shusbabi (9:32:37 PM): at least we're not going around getting knocked up while we're still minors, and when we are old enough to legally have sex then what about all those poor kids out there that are put up for adoption and have to live our of a plastic garbage bag as they're moved from place to place triyng to find a home, don't they need someone who can love them> and why does it matter whether that person is gay or staright as long as they can provide a good, safe home environment?
Steak220 (9:33:13 PM): but I believe they can't provide what a child really needs: balance
Steak220 (9:33:28 PM): food, shelter, clothes, yeah, those can be provided by just about anyone, if they're willing
Steak220 (9:35:58 PM): how can two men or two women provide an equal and fair view life and experience?
Steak220 (9:36:27 PM): there are certain things men experience then women don't, and vice versa, so how could two men give that kid the experience that a woman has?
Goodi2shusbabi (9:36:49 PM): its better to have two loving fathers/mothers than none at all
Steak220 (9:37:57 PM): look at it this way: if you have to buy some food, one dollar isn't gonna get you there, even though one dollar is better than none
Goodi2shusbabi (9:38:37 PM): dollar meals at micky d's
Goodi2shusbabi (9:38:38 PM): lol
Goodi2shusbabi (9:38:49 PM): but thats just being biased
Steak220 (9:39:47 PM): but it isn't, I'm believing everything I tell you off of what I can tell from common sense, from what I see, from what I experience, everything around me tells me this
Goodi2shusbabi (9:39:58 PM): you're straight so of course your goign to think its wrong if anything differnet comes along, as a human your intitled to believe taht you are right and aything that contradicts you is wrong but what about us, us the gay people of the world who have to go through tortue to get a job, or to havea relationship or even have a steady, peaceful life, what about us?
Goodi2shusbabi (9:40:05 PM): what about every man is created equal?
Steak220 (9:40:39 PM): did I ever say homosexuals were LESS than heterosexuals? ever? i believe I didn't
Steak220 (9:40:53 PM): I am saying the act, not the actor is wrong
Goodi2shusbabi (9:41:14 PM): but whats the sense in being the actor if you're never gi en the cahnce to be on the stage>
Steak220 (9:42:00 PM): ok, change that to, I hate the sin, not the sinner.
Steak220 (9:42:30 PM): yes, I just called homosexuality a sin
Goodi2shusbabi (9:44:34 PM): where does it say that homeosexuality is a sin>?
Steak220 (9:45:11 PM): aha, in the Bible, my friend, the base of my life
Goodi2shusbabi (9:45:25 PM): oh god
Goodi2shusbabi (9:45:34 PM): its now i notice you ahve the same font as sam luddy
Goodi2shusbabi (9:45:36 PM): oh lord...
Goodi2shusbabi (9:45:45 PM): yes i jsut sinned again, so shoot me
Steak220 (9:45:54 PM): did I not just say something?
Steak220 (9:45:58 PM): hate the sin, not the sinner?
Steak220 (9:46:20 PM): i don't like how you take my God's name in vain, but I'm not going to force anything on you
Goodi2shusbabi (9:46:44 PM): i'm an active bi0sexual young lady who's a devoted catholic and lives by t he bible but doesn't live strictly word by word with the bible.
Steak220 (9:46:56 PM): so you don't live by the Bible
Steak220 (9:47:27 PM): Bible can't be paraphrased, intepreted, or changed, it is what it is, and you either follow it or you don't
Goodi2shusbabi (9:48:12 PM): if you lived word by word of the bible you'd be amish
Steak220 (9:48:22 PM): not tru, not tru
Goodi2shusbabi (9:48:22 PM): are you amish tim?
Goodi2shusbabi (9:48:27 PM): yes, yes it is
Steak220 (9:48:58 PM): nowhere does it say you should give up all mechanical devices, move to the country, etc.
Steak220 (9:49:04 PM): if I lived by the Bible
Steak220 (9:49:07 PM): I would never swear
Steak220 (9:49:12 PM): I would study and pray every day
Steak220 (9:49:18 PM): stidy the Bible, that is
Goodi2shusbabi (9:49:30 PM): lemme ask tyou a question
Steak220 (9:49:32 PM): and many more things
Goodi2shusbabi (9:49:50 PM): ever had a girlfriend?( i have a point i promise)
Steak220 (9:49:51 PM): unfortunately, I don't do all that, but I do my best
Steak220 (9:49:58 PM): no, I have never had the luck
Goodi2shusbabi (9:50:07 PM): do you still ahve virgin lips?
Steak220 (9:50:13 PM): yes, I do
Goodi2shusbabi (9:50:27 PM): are u proud of that?
Steak220 (9:50:58 PM): I would actually prefer to have a girlfriend I could kiss, or at least would kiss me, but no, I don't really show it off
Steak220 (9:51:15 PM): if you mean by speech, unfortunately I do swear, but I stopped
Goodi2shusbabi (9:52:05 PM): see by saying you'd perfer a gf to kiss or to be kissed by technically you're have sinful thoughts
Steak220 (9:52:17 PM): actually, that's not true
Goodi2shusbabi (9:52:25 PM): trust me i just spent a whole 3 weeks on a sexual responsibility talk with my religion teacher
Goodi2shusbabi (9:52:37 PM): i will prevail on this one
Steak220 (9:52:49 PM): nowhere in the BIble does it say 'you may not kiss a girl, or you are an adulterer'
Steak220 (9:53:11 PM): it DOES say, however 'if you look at a women with lustful thoughts, you have already committed adultery'
Goodi2shusbabi (9:54:30 PM): so....are you a homophob tim?
Steak220 (9:54:45 PM): no, I'm not
Steak220 (9:55:04 PM): when I look at guy or girl I know is homosexual, I don't cringe, or cower, or sneer
Goodi2shusbabi (9:55:49 PM): lol, i admit it i'm a bad person
Goodi2shusbabi (9:58:06 PM): not only have a 'acted' as you put it, but i have malice for you, i want so bad to hurt you right now because of how strongly our opinions contradict and all the muscles in my arms are tense at the moment jsut becuase i'm extremely pissed of but not just fot that reason, i'm a bad person becuase i disrespect people, i'm openly bi, i think not dirty but immoral thoughts aobut other young women such as myself and i have nothing against gay men and women having the right to get married, i even encourage the homophobic country we are to overcome our predjudiceness and stop actign liek a bunch of mf-ers
Steak220 (9:59:16 PM): I don't really mind that you hate me
Steak220 (9:59:22 PM): I'm not here to be liked
Steak220 (9:59:33 PM): I'm trying to explain to you what I believe, and why I believe
Goodi2shusbabi (9:59:44 PM): i can't hate, i'm incapable of being hated, i just hte based people who don't give people like me who are different a chance
Steak220 (10:00:14 PM): you're taking my beliefs out of context, though
Steak220 (10:00:44 PM): let me explain every aspect of my belief on homosexuality
Steak220 (10:01:24 PM): i believe that homosexuality is the result of confusion, a mixed up state, which is not a physical thing, but a mental thing, turned physical
Goodi2shusbabi (10:01:36 PM): no...all this year i've been bitch at how the whole way i live my life is jstut wrong and i'm a selfish bitch but hey, if thats who i am then i'm proud to be a gay suicidal catholic who's clincally depressed at hasn't found herself yet
Steak220 (10:01:52 PM): I believe that it is commonly cause by dysfunctional families, by a msled childhood, or perhaps a misinformed one
Goodi2shusbabi (10:02:00 PM): missed that last one sorry
Steak220 (10:02:39 PM): I believe that gays are equal to other people, that they should have all rights, because they are people, but not the right of marriage, or any other sanction of the governemnt
Steak220 (10:03:14 PM): I believe they should not have that sanction, because homosexuality has too many ill effects on all those involved
Steak220 (10:03:45 PM): I believe, that homosexuals have the ability to make a choice, a choice to NOT be homosexual
Goodi2shusbabi (10:03:55 PM): thats not true
Goodi2shusbabi (10:04:06 PM): but anyone who's staright would say it s
Steak220 (10:04:19 PM): I also believe that my God created this earth, with the intention of romantic relationships consistening of ONE MAN, and ONE WOMAN
Goodi2shusbabi (10:04:37 PM): anyone who hasn't experienced being gay wouldn't know that sometimes it can kill you, it can hurt you so bad taht you wish you coudo g et out but you're just...trapped
Steak220 (10:04:52 PM): I believe that my God views gays and straight humans equally, because all people are sinners, and homosexuality is a sin like any other
Goodi2shusbabi (10:05:12 PM): it likes glass box, sealed air tight, you can see hte outsdie you jsut can't reach it
Steak220 (10:05:32 PM): I believe that if this law is passed, absolutely nothing good will come of it, I believe that if this law is passed, that our country will truly fall into pieces, because of what will ensue
Steak220 (10:06:00 PM): fortunately, gays have a choice they can make
Goodi2shusbabi (10:06:04 PM): nothing bad can come of love
Steak220 (10:06:06 PM): unfortunately, it is a VERY hard choice
Goodi2shusbabi (10:06:13 PM): there is no choice
Goodi2shusbabi (10:06:19 PM): how can you people not understand this
Steak220 (10:06:38 PM): yes there is, did you know that thousands of gays have gotten help, and realized what they were doing was wrong, and became straight?
Steak220 (10:06:42 PM): it happens EVERY DAY
Steak220 (10:06:46 PM): you don't hear about it
Steak220 (10:06:50 PM): because of propoganda
Steak220 (10:06:59 PM): you won't believe me, because you don't agree with me
Goodi2shusbabi (10:07:10 PM): lesbaisn and bi women, you don't know how hard i've prayed at night that i could be straight that i could be normal, not have problems that people coudl blame me for
Goodi2shusbabi (10:07:13 PM): thats alo your doing
Steak220 (10:07:28 PM): jsut cause u wish it will happen doesn't mean it will
Goodi2shusbabi (10:07:31 PM): we're differnet and you feel like you ahve to blame so,meome soyou blame us when we can't do anything aobut the way we are
Steak220 (10:07:54 PM): you have to put your entire day, your entire life into it, and it takes more than your effort to do it
Goodi2shusbabi (10:07:59 PM): God never made anyone perfect, gays included so why does everyone expect us not to be gay
Goodi2shusbabi (10:08:03 PM): i have no life
Steak220 (10:08:11 PM): because it isn't natural, God didn't create you this way!
Steak220 (10:08:16 PM): you BECAME this way
Goodi2shusbabi (10:08:21 PM): i jsut exist, okay, i have worse probelms than my sexuality to worry aobut
Goodi2shusbabi (10:08:25 PM): yeah, i know
Goodi2shusbabi (10:08:30 PM): i became a lot of things
Steak220 (10:08:35 PM): if you know, then why do you say you cannot change?
Goodi2shusbabi (10:08:38 PM): and i've sinned so much in my life
Steak220 (10:08:48 PM): so has everyone else!
Steak220 (10:08:55 PM): you think I'm perfect?
Goodi2shusbabi (10:09:00 PM): becuase theresa fine line between happiness and depression, depression and being suicidal, striaght and gay
Goodi2shusbabi (10:09:09 PM): and once you've crossed it theres almost never any going back
Steak220 (10:09:14 PM): but there is!
Steak220 (10:09:17 PM): lots of people go back!
Goodi2shusbabi (10:09:26 PM): lots of people ,apaprently not me
Steak220 (10:09:39 PM): it's beacause you aren't willing to do what it takes to make that change happen
Steak220 (10:10:17 PM): I can tell, just from the way you talk, that you've given up already, or you don't care
Goodi2shusbabi (10:10:57 PM): i tried okay, maggie broke my heart, i realized i'd never get anythign out of liking females and i tried to be straight okay, i hate liking girls but thats who i am and thats who i'm supposed to ber apparently nd i hate that everyday i struggle with myself and hate who i am maybe becuae of that or maybe not but all i know is that i'm not a good person, i don't deserve 2 be judged as one and i'm already a failure in the plan laid out for the world
Goodi2shusbabi (10:11:04 PM): and thers no going back from that, none at all
Steak220 (10:11:21 PM): yes there is! God will never let you go into a point of no return!
Steak220 (10:11:27 PM): the only time that will ever happen, is when you die
Steak220 (10:12:22 PM): by then, you've already had your time to make a decision, and that's it, you're either in heaven or hell
Steak220 (10:12:45 PM): but you gotta understand, God still loves you, even though you may be suffering, he's there
Steak220 (10:12:58 PM): you just gotta reach out for him, and you've got all the help you need right thre
Goodi2shusbabi (10:13:06 PM): people are always telling me i must have something graet to do in this world
Goodi2shusbabi (10:13:12 PM): god has stopped me from dying to many times
Goodi2shusbabi (10:13:40 PM): but i just don't see what i can do, i can't even make it through each day without crying and wishing he'd let me die
Steak220 (10:14:19 PM): i know what that feels like, I've been there before
Steak220 (10:14:29 PM): it's VERY hard to get out of there
Goodi2shusbabi (10:15:08 PM): eah well this is a relapse for me, and i dunno, it seems like i just exist and i'm walking someone esles life
Goodi2shusbabi (10:15:12 PM): someone i could never be
Steak220 (10:15:40 PM): but u can be that person, but you gotta put your effort into it
Steak220 (10:15:42 PM): if you really want it
Steak220 (10:15:51 PM): then you gotta really do it
Goodi2shusbabi (10:16:16 PM): i have to go
Goodi2shusbabi (10:16:17 PM): bye
Steak220 (10:16:22 PM): alright...
Goodi2shusbabi (10:16:22 PM): g
Steak220 (10:16:23 PM): ttyl
Steak220 (10:16:25 PM): take care
Steak220 (10:16:31 PM): wait
Steak220 (10:16:38 PM): may i post this in my blog?
Goodi2shusbabi (10:16:43 PM): yeah sure
Steak220 (10:16:45 PM): thanks
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Today was good, but at the moment I feel sluggish. Not to mention I was somewhat irked by how people misinterpret things, especially about the conversation I had yesterday. I said this before, I am not homophobic. Look at it this way: just because I disagree with most of my friend's politcal ideas, does NOT mean i fear them. 'Nuff said.

Yesterday was pretty good. I didn't go to skool, but it's a long story, which I will proceed to explain. On Sunday night, I got 5 hours of sleep. That's about 3 hours of a sleep deficit. On Monday I got 5 hours of sleep. That's now a 6 hour sleep deficit. On Tuesday, I went to a LotR: Two Towers thingy with Ben, and it was 4 hours long. We left at 6:00, and we didn't get back till 11:30. I had 2 hours of homework left to do. I also had to get up 15 minutes early for the bus. This would have given me 4, maybe 3.5 hours of sleep. That's over a 10 hour sleep deficit. I can't run on that. So I stayed home from skool, did homework, and slept for about 12 hours that day. It was very relaxing.

Today, I went to skool, it was a Thursday, and tomorrow is Friday. We have Thanksgiving Break soon, which is really nice. Hopefully, we won't get lots of homework over the break. Homework defeats the purpose of having a break. It really does. But sleep will be a nice thing to get. I should go do moi homework.
click to show/hide the rest of this post
A conversation I had with a friend, who lives in Massechusetts.

xKirby at Home (5:30:42 PM): so i was right, hm?
xKirby at Home (5:30:45 PM): :-)
Steak220 (5:30:59 PM): lol, not really, it hasn't been passed yet
xKirby at Home (5:31:09 PM): but theyre rewriting the consitution for ma
Steak220 (5:31:34 PM): if they are, that really pisses me off
xKirby at Home (5:31:46 PM): why?
xKirby at Home (5:31:55 PM): you dont live in ma
Steak220 (5:32:04 PM): gay marraige is wrong, it shouldn't be allowed
xKirby at Home (5:32:12 PM): bullshit
Steak220 (5:32:32 PM): im not homophobic, but you gotta understand, homosexuality is immoral, wrong
xKirby at Home (5:32:32 PM): you just say that because you dont want gay people to feel equal
Steak220 (5:32:37 PM): rofl
Steak220 (5:32:47 PM): they ARE equal, my friend, but they want more than equality now
Steak220 (5:32:57 PM): they're trying to push it so NOBODY will oppose what they do
xKirby at Home (5:32:58 PM): they are not equal if they cant marry
Steak220 (5:33:15 PM): oh, but nobody wants to marry anyways, because it's just a piece of paper, right?
xKirby at Home (5:33:17 PM): everyone always opposes something, they want to express their love by marriage, whats so wrong with that?
Steak220 (5:33:57 PM): it's so screwed up how this mentality of 'marriage is just confining and a piece of paper' and 'we want marriage rights' go on at the same time
xKirby at Home (5:34:17 PM): its only immoral because of certain religions, but who knows if any god even exists, there are such things as homosexua animals, and if they can be homosexual, then so can humans, its natural
Steak220 (5:34:29 PM): but back to my main belief, i believe, just from looking at the antomy of the male and female body, that homosexuality is wrong
Steak220 (5:34:43 PM): two men can't make a baby, can they?
Steak220 (5:34:50 PM): two women can't make a baby, can they?
Steak220 (5:35:03 PM): now, i know kids aren't a prerequisite of marriage
Steak220 (5:35:14 PM): but I'm talking about the homosexuality itself
Steak220 (5:35:43 PM): i also know, that homosexuality is a mental thing, turned physical into later years, it isn't genetic
Steak220 (5:36:01 PM): there is no 'gay gene' like they say, there is scientific proof of this
xKirby at Home (5:36:20 PM): who are you to claim whats natural and immoral anyway? who is anyone to decide, all humans are equal, and no one can just decide "being gay is wrong"
Steak220 (5:36:36 PM): did I ever say 'homosexuals are wrong'?
Steak220 (5:36:41 PM): no, i say the act is wrong
Steak220 (5:37:08 PM): and if you want to bring my authority in this, nobody has the right to decide anything anyway, because we're all equal, right?
Steak220 (5:37:59 PM): people that were gay in their youth, but then got help, and realized what they were doing was wrong, can tell you the same thing I am
xKirby at Home (5:38:19 PM): you do realized that both sides are biased and there will never be someone who is capable of proving either side is completely right, humans arent like that, never have been, never will be
xKirby at Home (5:38:24 PM): being gay isnt wrong
xKirby at Home (5:38:26 PM): are you serious?
Steak220 (5:38:32 PM): i am VERY serious
Steak220 (5:38:55 PM): you make it sound so futile, as if nobody can decide because we're all biased, and can't amke a decision
Steak220 (5:39:14 PM): i'm not biased against gays, I believe that the act of homosexuality is wrong
xKirby at Home (5:39:32 PM): my family is all straight, inever knew what homosexuality or bisexuality was until later, yet at younger ages i found myself attracted to men and women
Steak220 (5:39:44 PM): a gay person has a choice, they can decide NOT to be gay
Steak220 (5:40:04 PM): i know you are bisexual, and I can't claim to explain why you are
xKirby at Home (5:40:18 PM): yes they can, but if they decide that they never were really gay, they were just having psychological issues
Steak220 (5:40:50 PM): actually, homoesxuality is more confusion phsychologically
Steak220 (5:41:18 PM): the way I see it, it is viewing attractions in a skewed manner
xKirby at Home (5:41:45 PM): but its not of your business if a person decides to be gay or not, you have no right to tell people what not to like or be attracted to
xKirby at Home (5:41:50 PM): none*
Steak220 (5:42:37 PM): how is it not my business? is that is so, then I should just ignore the person getting mugged on the street, walk among the ghetto and not drop a penny, and treat my friends like crap because what they do and feel isn't my business
Steak220 (5:43:17 PM): this is exactly on the same plane as all that
xKirby at Home (5:43:19 PM): getting friggan mugged or treating people like crap is a completely different issue, when someone is gay and they dont harm anyone else, it is NONE of your business
Steak220 (5:43:51 PM): actually, lemme explain to you why I believe this REALLY shouldn't be passed
Steak220 (5:43:58 PM): it's because it's against the structure of the family
xKirby at Home (5:44:21 PM): its just because youre close minded
Steak220 (5:44:26 PM): the family is so incredibly important to my views, and this would take away greatly from it's structure
Steak220 (5:44:44 PM): and I believe I have demostrated the fact that I am open to most views, but I know my facts and my beliefs on this matter
Steak220 (5:45:05 PM): is being close minded making informed decisions on life?
Steak220 (5:45:09 PM): i hope not
xKirby at Home (5:45:18 PM): you know what tho?
xKirby at Home (5:46:59 PM): if being gay, or gays having children or getting married wasnt publicized as bad, no one would ever know the difference, it would be natural, yet somewhere along the line people just decide to let everyone know this is wrong
Steak220 (5:47:14 PM): actually, it isn't publicized as bad
Steak220 (5:47:22 PM): where in the news, or media do you see 'gay is bad'?
Steak220 (5:47:39 PM): look, when I was 9 years old
Steak220 (5:47:45 PM): and I had no influence on whether it was right or not
Steak220 (5:48:00 PM): i asked what being gay was, and my bro told me it was two guys liking eachother
Steak220 (5:48:05 PM): there is NO bias in that explanation
Steak220 (5:48:09 PM): from NO bias at all
Steak220 (5:48:15 PM): i made a decision
Steak220 (5:48:20 PM): that it was skewed, wrong
xKirby at Home (5:48:24 PM): nope
xKirby at Home (5:49:55 PM): youre too young to make that decision, you couldnt have logically thought it out yourself, you were just brought up in a straight family, not knowing that homosexuality existed, and then when it was brought up, you realized that something was wrong about it, but you only realized this because you recognized your lifestyle (and familys) as the normal, because they brought you up like that and they familiarized it like that
xKirby at Home (5:50:04 PM): sorry, change that to past tense stuff
Steak220 (5:50:26 PM): actually, no
Steak220 (5:50:29 PM): i knew at that age
Steak220 (5:50:40 PM): that two guys can't do stuff that a guy and a girl can't
Steak220 (5:50:48 PM): from ONLY THAT, i concluded it was wrong
Steak220 (5:50:58 PM): my surroundings and lifestyle had nothing to do with it
xKirby at Home (5:52:01 PM): in the sense of reproduction and continuing (sp?) the human existence, yes that would be wrong, but dont some people choose not to have kids? isnt that wrong too? because, basically, animals are only on earth to reproduce (if you put your religious beliefs aside) and continue the cycle of life
xKirby at Home (5:52:16 PM): but thats wrong, that your surroundings/lifestyle had nothing to do with it
xKirby at Home (5:52:44 PM): thats wrong say that youre surrrounds/... etc
xKirby at Home (5:52:49 PM): saying*
xKirby at Home (5:52:51 PM): dammit
Steak220 (5:52:56 PM): lol, my belief that it is wrong has little to do with the fact that two guys can't reproduce
Steak220 (5:53:01 PM): it's more about the repricussions
Steak220 (5:53:28 PM): it screws up the way families work
Steak220 (5:53:39 PM): families are supposed to be ONE man, ONE woman
Steak220 (5:53:52 PM): and with just those two
Steak220 (5:53:54 PM): that's a family
Steak220 (5:54:05 PM): and they have a choice to take that marriage where ever they want
Steak220 (5:54:08 PM): kids or no kids
xKirby at Home (5:56:14 PM): then, by all means, when you get older, shelter your kids from homosexuality as much as you can, but for people out there who find homosexuality satisfying and normal, just leave them alone, they have a choice...
Steak220 (5:56:24 PM): rofl
Steak220 (5:56:31 PM): your view of a family is SO very wrong
Steak220 (5:57:01 PM): you're thinking of the most conservative Christian family known to the world, with no TVs, no computers, and they all homeskool
Steak220 (5:57:11 PM): you realize how very few of those families exist?
Steak220 (5:57:27 PM): VERY VERY FEW
Steak220 (5:57:47 PM): and I would know, my dad is a pastor, we've gone to families he knows throughout my entire life
Steak220 (5:58:20 PM): and I didn't even know what homosexuality was, until, like I said, I was 9
Steak220 (5:58:28 PM): never heard of it from my parents, brothers, or church
Steak220 (5:58:49 PM): i don't even remember my church before I was 9 or 10
xKirby at Home (5:59:18 PM): you just think youre better and you think you should be able to make decisions for other people, thats all it comes down to, in a scenario who the hell cares if your kids turn out gay? hes still your kid, and whether or not this screws up your view of family, that shouldnt matter... would you put your son down for being gay? or your daughter? thats what youre doing to other people, and you find it easier to do it to them because they arent family
Steak220 (5:59:31 PM): wow, that just from looking at that FIRST line
Steak220 (5:59:57 PM): I can tell that you're making uninformed observations, being defensive, mad, and not really thinking about what you're saying
xKirby at Home (6:00:08 PM): did you read it all?
Steak220 (6:00:17 PM): yes, i did, and you know what?
Steak220 (6:00:42 PM): If I grew up, had a family, and my kid turned gay, I wouldn't be mad at him, and I'd be mad at me for failing him
Steak220 (6:00:52 PM): because it would be MY job
xKirby at Home (6:00:54 PM): thats really sad
xKirby at Home (6:00:57 PM): and pathetic
Steak220 (6:01:08 PM): to show him what it is to be a man
Steak220 (6:01:49 PM): did you know, that if you asked just about any gay man, he would tell you he had no strong father figure in his youth
Steak220 (6:02:14 PM): if there's no father, or grandfather, or uncle, who can act like a father to that kid, then a lot of times, the kid will become gay
Steak220 (6:02:29 PM): this is again, back to the structure of the family
xKirby at Home (6:02:35 PM): ha, thats funny... i didnt have a good father figure until recently, and hes a friend
xKirby at Home (6:02:39 PM): maybe youre right
xKirby at Home (6:06:09 PM): but i still dont think you should put anyone down for doing what they like, and its not fair or humane, people making sure gays cant live equally, thats not fair, and it upsets people, and before i understood who i was, i was depressed all the time because i didnt want people to think less of me because i liked guys as well as girls, because so many people put out that message, and sometimes i still dont know why im not the consider "normal" but i wanna be able to have rights just like anyone else, and if i want to marry a man when im of age, i should be able to.. i mean, i plan to marry a woman, just because the normal family usally can avoid complications such as these.. but what do i know? im a 14 year old and im just trying to say what i think is fair and right
Steak220 (6:06:17 PM): it's not putting people down
xKirby at Home (6:06:46 PM): well it hurts them
Steak220 (6:06:55 PM): it's about standing up for what is right
Steak220 (6:07:22 PM): and if everything you say is to avoid hurting people, then you might as well as not sasy anything
Steak220 (6:07:30 PM): but wait, not saying anything hurts people too, doesn't it?
Steak220 (6:07:43 PM): this is called indifference, if you don't stand up for what you believe
Steak220 (6:07:53 PM): I believe the act of homosexuality is wrong
xKirby at Home (6:08:39 PM): well, then its too late for me to be right then
Steak220 (6:08:55 PM): i said this earlier, chanigng is possible
Steak220 (6:08:58 PM): definately not easy
Steak220 (6:09:02 PM): but it IS possible
xKirby at Home (6:09:14 PM): no, its too late
Steak220 (6:09:29 PM): it's only too late if you make it too late for yourself
Steak220 (6:09:50 PM): you're the sole deiciding factor in this, you can change what your future may be like
xKirby at Home (6:10:18 PM): i dont know what decided id be bisexual, or how my mind started being attracted to both sexes, but as far as i can remember, ive been like this, so why fight it? itd be like fighting yourself, and thats just ridiculous
Steak220 (6:10:35 PM): yes, it si fighting yourself
Steak220 (6:10:40 PM): that's exactly what it is
xKirby at Home (6:10:56 PM): youre supposed to love yourself for who you are, because youll need that to be confident
Steak220 (6:11:14 PM): but think of it this way: if you want to steal something, you probably wouldn't let yourself, right? you wouldn't, because you know it's wrong, not to mention there would be bad consequences from it
Steak220 (6:11:25 PM): that is an example of fighting yourself
xKirby at Home (6:12:03 PM): yeah, i guess... but that is a lot less shallow than a thing like homosexuality, because its basically in my subconscious now, and itd take a hell out a lot of fighting to get it out of that
Steak220 (6:12:24 PM): i know that stealing and homosexuality are different, but it's ahrd to create a good anaolgy
xKirby at Home (6:12:30 PM): true
Steak220 (6:12:42 PM): but I need to go to a church thingy in a few minutes
Steak220 (6:12:47 PM): do you mind if I post this in my blog?
xKirby at Home (6:13:02 PM): you can go ahead, ill prolly look like an idiot, but sure
Steak220 (6:13:05 PM): a few people have asked me why I believe homosexuality is wrong, and this is a wonderful explanation
Steak220 (6:13:23 PM): it's hard to explain what I believe to people, especially since it takes so long
Steak220 (6:13:24 PM): but thanks
Steak220 (6:13:25 PM): :-)
xKirby at Home (6:13:30 PM): no problem

A little bit later....

xKirby at Home (6:24:55 PM): lol, tim, that really affected me... and now you got me all confused, theres people telling me to be proud of who i am, and then theres others telling me, i am wrong... that father figure thing makes sense, seeing as my dad left my mom because he didnt want to be a father, and im guessing maybe i learned a lot more feminime qualities from my mom, since she raised me mostly and i always recognized her as my mother and someone to learn from the most, yet i remember not liking anyone sexually, and sometimes id look at my moms clothes magazines and show my mom or grandmother who i thought was pretty or not... and somewhere along the line, i began being interested in men as well as women, sexually, and the most recent time i can remember is when i hit puberty and began being interested in
Steak220 (6:25:40 PM): i'm really glad that you're thinking about what I said
xKirby at Home (6:25:55 PM): "aggressive, competitive" things because all guys were, right? and yet i was attracted to the men that were wrestling, and i think puberty and wrestling was when i first realized i liked men, so i went along thinking i was "kind of gay" because i had no idea what bisexuality was, but later on, as i became more curious to things, i looked stuff up and realized, hey i like both sexes, im bisexual
Steak220 (6:25:57 PM): but I'm sorry, I know there's a lot of opinions coming at you
Steak220 (6:26:37 PM): [nods]
xKirby at Home (6:26:48 PM): :X
xKirby at Home (6:27:32 PM): so maybe my lack of a father figure earlier in life and my confusion about my sexuality triggered all my insecurities and my low self esteem and my extreme self conscienceness
xKirby at Home (6:27:47 PM): not all of them, but a lot of them
Steak220 (6:28:13 PM): yeah, this is what I mean by the family, stuff like this happens when a family doesn't work right
Steak220 (6:28:38 PM): im sorry about what u have to go through
xKirby at Home (6:29:00 PM): but homosexuality isnt the only thing that ruins families, so, its not like homosexuals are evil... maybe theyre just confused people?
xKirby at Home (6:29:38 PM): you can post this too if you want more, i dont mind..
Steak220 (6:29:58 PM): homosexuals don't ruin families, but, in general, immorality does, and I don't just mean homosexduality
Steak220 (6:30:13 PM): alcoholism, gambling, cheating, that all ruins families
Steak220 (6:30:58 PM): it's the sin, not the sinner
xKirby at Home (6:31:30 PM): yeah, true
Steak220 (6:33:30 PM): but to me, in the end, it's just all about the family
xKirby at Home (6:33:42 PM): yeah
xKirby at Home (6:33:47 PM): if you dont have a family, what do you hage?
xKirby at Home (6:33:50 PM): have*
Steak220 (6:34:02 PM): exactly
Steak220 (6:34:23 PM): im really glad you're seeing what I was trying to show you
Steak220 (6:35:02 PM): i thought it was gonna end up like all my other conversations, with the two of us just showing to eachother we'll never consider the other side's view

Wow. It's amazing looking at another person's life, and realizing what they must go through. It's really confusing to me, how something as seemingly simple as the act of homosexuality, can stir up so many things, feelings, just everything. But I'm really glad it wasn't as much of a debate, as it was a conversation.

Good Day.
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So incredibly random.


Steak220 (3:39:00 PM): Would you pay good money to see the pope bust a rap?
PGiddy2002 (3:39:49 PM): nope I would rather see him go atheist!! That, I would pay money for!
Steak220 (3:40:10 PM): lol
Steak220 (3:40:58 PM): but WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
PGiddy2002 (3:42:11 PM): why would I want to see that?? That would probably scare me!!


Steak220 (3:39:16 PM): Would you pay good money to see the pope bust a rap?
SH0otingstar413 (3:39:22 PM): not really ...
SH0otingstar413 (3:40:00 PM): the only time i went to catholic mass, the lecturer dude got up there and was like.. "are you ready to rumble??!"
SH0otingstar413 (3:40:08 PM): it was amusing. he was like 90 years old.
Steak220 (3:40:39 PM): ......
Steak220 (3:40:40 PM): rofl


Steak220 (3:41:30 PM): Would you pay good money to see the pope bust a rap?
Antilles001 (3:41:36 PM): lol
Antilles001 (3:41:40 PM): not much
Antilles001 (3:42:12 PM): umm, I value my money?
Antilles001 (3:42:39 PM): lesse, I'd rather buy longer-lasting stuff than be entertained for a few moments
Steak220 (3:42:45 PM): but this the a 90 year old guy in the robes of the pope, busting RAP@!
Antilles001 (3:42:50 PM): true
Antilles001 (3:42:56 PM): I'd pay a bit to see it
Antilles001 (3:43:00 PM): .50?
Antilles001 (3:43:04 PM): hmm
Steak220 (3:43:04 PM): 50 cent?
Steak220 (3:43:07 PM): hmmm...
Antilles001 (3:43:07 PM): maybe a buck
Antilles001 (3:43:14 PM): no more though
Antilles001 (3:43:24 PM): mostly cause I doubt he could
Antilles001 (3:43:32 PM): very well anyway
Steak220 (3:43:34 PM): nono, we're assuming he CAN
Antilles001 (3:43:37 PM): oh
Steak220 (3:43:40 PM): like eminem
Antilles001 (3:43:44 PM): ick
Antilles001 (3:43:48 PM): I don;'t like eminem
Antilles001 (3:44:06 PM): would be funny though
Steak220 (3:44:29 PM): yes, yes it would
Antilles001 (3:44:42 PM): where did this come from, or did you just make it up?
Steak220 (3:44:55 PM): well my white rappa name is G-Pope
Steak220 (3:45:00 PM): ....long story
Antilles001 (3:45:04 PM): uh...
Steak220 (3:45:06 PM): but it spawned from that
Antilles001 (3:45:18 PM): I c...
Steak220 (3:45:31 PM): yea


Steak220 (3:39:22 PM): Would you pay good money to see the pope bust a rap?
x 89xGaNaRx89 x (3:39:30 PM): ummm
x 89xGaNaRx89 x (3:39:31 PM): no
Steak220 (3:39:36 PM): ...
x 89xGaNaRx89 x (3:40:00 PM): he already raps
Steak220 (3:44:11 PM): how?
x 89xGaNaRx89 x (3:44:17 PM): *shrugs*
x 89xGaNaRx89 x (3:44:23 PM): secretly
x 89xGaNaRx89 x (3:44:25 PM): in his room
Steak220 (3:44:34 PM): roflmao


Steak220 (3:42:12 PM): Would you pay good money to see the pope bust a rap?
BigWillSmithFan (3:42:37 PM): sure!
Steak220 (3:42:51 PM): ALRIGHT!!!
Steak220 (3:42:54 PM): thas what i wanna hear
BigWillSmithFan (3:43:05 PM): lol y?
Steak220 (3:43:15 PM): i've asked...
Steak220 (3:43:20 PM): 9 people if they would pay money to
Steak220 (3:43:24 PM): only you have said yes
BigWillSmithFan (3:43:37 PM): really?! wow


Goenbat (3:38:06 PM): "g pope rocks the g pope"
Steak220 (3:38:19 PM): i mean, who WOULDN'T pay to see the pope bust a rap?
Goenbat (3:38:29 PM): oh, i definitely would
Steak220 (3:38:40 PM): exactly
Goenbat (3:39:20 PM): RUN YOU BITCHWHORE! RUN!
Steak220 (3:39:27 PM): rofl
Goenbat (3:39:42 PM): what?
Steak220 (3:40:26 PM): i conducted a quick survey of 5 people to see if they would pay good money to see the pope bust a rap
Steak220 (3:40:29 PM): ....they all said
Steak220 (3:40:30 PM): NO
Goenbat (3:40:43 PM): oh whats with that?
Steak220 (3:40:47 PM): no idea
Goenbat (3:40:54 PM): maybe only cool people want to see rappin pope
Steak220 (3:41:13 PM): yeah...


Steak 220 (3:44:54): Would you pay good money to see the pope bust a rap?
NT Matt 624 (3:45:23): no
Steak220 (3:45:47): WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
NT Matt 624 (3:46:59 PM): i would ask whats wrong with u actually...


Steak220 (3:38:43): Would you pay good money to see the pope bust a rap?
CounteRStrike179 (3:39:00): dunno
Steak220 (3:39:41): WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
CounteRStrike179 (3:40:29): lol

I believe that most of my friends are out of their minds. WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE THE POPE BUST A RAP? We're assuming he actually would and could here, not being realistic. But that was so very random, I should do it more often.

Today was good, it was Monday though. Mondays suck.
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Grades for this quarter...

Math 9H: B+
Eco HBio: A+
German 2H: B
Global 1H: A
PE 9: A

Marking Period Average: 3.794

I was a bit dissapointed, I was hoping for a 4.0, but no such luck, I suppose. If I can just pull up Math, and salvage German out of hell, then I'll be ok. But I was expecting to fail PE, so overall it was good.

Oh well.

Life's like that, I guess. Stuff you don't expect, you didn't think would come so soon, it happens. You know, it's funny how stuff you don't even understand can make u feel what the music wants you to. Oh, this is so very complicated, I don't know. Why, oh why...not much that I can do to express my feelings here. Screw it.
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This was an interesting weekend. Last night I went to see Elf with Jonathan and his friend Brian. That was funny. Stayed up till 1 talking and playing games and such things. Today I went to church, and nothing of great importance has happened. I beat JKA, which was pretty easy. Being the dark side was a little too much fun. I stumbled upon 5 jedi, and with my lightnizorz I killed them zorz. A lot of fun. Now to play online!

Now all the weekend has left for me is homework.
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Ah, the weekend. So far nothing of interest has come today. I'm sitting here, at my computer, typing into my blog on a Saturday afternoon. I could be out raking leaves for money, but I don't have much of a desire to do such. I spent my afternoon playing Gunbound, and I am REALLY bad at that game, it's depressing. For those of you who don't know, Gunbound is a poorly translated Korean game somewhat similar to Scorched Earth. It's online, you play with some people, and you shoot eachother in turns. It's kind of fun. Last night Ben, Zach and I spoke mangled Spanish and German to all the people that came into our room. I feel sorry for those poor souls who wandered into our room titled 'sexy ham......please?'. Yes, all very random, but it was great fun.

Yesterday was good, talked to lots of people and lots of people talked to me. Nothing of amazing importance happened. Jonathan is back for the weekend, though. He was showing me some of his music. He's trying to get me off Linkin Park, and onto more skillful music, as he calls it. Stuff like A Perfect Circle and Coldplay and stuff. I don't really listen to Linkin Park all that much anyways. BUt it's been a fun weekend so far.

A note! PLEASE TAKE THE SURVEY I LINKED TO IN THE SIDEBAR! So far six people, including me, have taken it. I would like to know what you all think. The survey is on what you think of me, it has 20 questions. Answer them honestly please, I have no way of knowing who said what. I can only know if you took the survey, and if you don't leave your name saying you took the survey, I don't even know that. Just take it please, I'd really love to know.
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Much better day today. If someone who didn't know me were watching me all day, then they'd think it was awful. Three times throughout the day I got hit with various inanimate objects. By people I don't even know. But, people actually talked to me today, which was very refreshing. I got my braces asjusted. Ow. My dad took me to KFC, but I didn't have time to eat most of it. Very annoying, but that's ok. I need some chocolate or something. Maybe I just need food. That sounds like an idea.
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Bad day. Feels like monday, and that's not very cool.

I'm so very tired of walking through school with no one next to me, no one I can turn to and look at them and know who they are. I hate being single. I hate it. I despise it. I despise myself for being single. And yet there is nothing I can do. Absolutely nothing. I love my friends, they are wonderful, but....[sigh]. I'll stop complaining.
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Today didn't end up being so bad. After an endless argument with my parents, I finally went over to Weilin's at 3. We played Halo, CS, ping pong, it was fun. Steven was there for a while, and so was Sam. It was a definite improvement on my day. But skool comes again tomorrow. Ugh. I don't want to go to skool.
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Today is really sucking. Stuck home with my parents for an entire day. Nothing to do. Except try and make my blog better. Which I've hardly done. I never want a Tuesday off again. My dad happens to have his days off on Tuesday. That's twhy today sucks. Because I have to deal with my mom AND my dad.
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Okay, I am FINALLY done with tweaking the page. I may change the colors later on, if the populace demands it. For those of you who would like to know what I changed, I shall give you a list, including how much time it took me to figure out how to do it or just to do it.

-Add background image - 1 1/2 hour
-Chang colors in all headline texts - 1 1/2 hour
-Center header, increase sidebar margins - 30 minutes
-Update links section - 5 minutes
-Remove all border lines - 5 minutes

So I spent about 3 hours on this thing. All because I couldn't go to the concert. Isn't that great.
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Finally done! I removed the sidebar border, so the entire thing is fluent now, though I am contemplating removing the header border. But then it might seem to cluttered. So complicated. Anyways, just another update.
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Okay, after all the work has been done, I'm finished. If you are viewing in a full window - yes, I know there are margins on the left and right, but I have no way to fix those. There is no image resolution large enough to fit the fell width of the window. But for those of you with slightly scaled down windows, it's all good to you. Let me know about the colors, I did my best to maintain the previous settings, which I liked, but some of them had to be changed. Yes, I do know that orange does not go with blue, but I want it so the people can see the date very clearly, which I believe I succeeded in doing. Any comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My email, is once again:

That's all for now.
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Okay, currently the numbers for the pictures stand at...

Picture 1 - 2 Votes

Picture 2 - 0 Votes

Picture 3 - 5 votes

Picture 4 - 2 Votes

I polled real people too. And only one of those votes was mine! Heehee.
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Look at the picutres, let me know which you think is best via IM or email. is my email. If you just want to email me casually there, go ahead. Anyways, today was an improvemenet over yesterday. It went by REALLY fast. I can't remember much of anything from today. Later tonight I may be going to a concert at the Lost Dog with bands I don't even like. But Zoe and her friend Amy will be there, and providing that they don't ignore me, it should be fun. Daniel know's what I'm talking about. [:-P] Oh well, we have a DAY OFF TOMORROW! Yay. I love day offs. Of course THANKSGIVING BREAK IS IN TWO WEEKS!!! I can't wait. Heehee. Anyways, I'm hoping to have the new background chosen by the end of the week or even today, or whenever, so LET ME KNOW!!! I'm hyper. I had two Vanilla Pepsis. Those things are good.
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So bored. I'm avoiding my homework, and I'm just not in the mood for anything right now. I'd like to say life sucks, but I know it doesn't. I'm just complaining and whining over how utterly lonely I am at times, like this. Nothing is really cheering me up, even though stuff should, though another friend getting pissed at me over his own immaturity doesn't help. Just so I don't have to deal with the amazing amount of stress I went through last time I said this, I'm talking about a friend from skool. [sigh] Not a happy mood.
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An okay day. Went to church, talked to people, had people over, played games with people. Fun stuff. I gotta stop inviting people over when I get a hold of a new game. I sit there and ignore everyone else. Anyways, nothing of incredible importance happened today.

Yesterday was awfully boring though. Nothing happened. At all. I all. Just sat there, played games. [sigh] Another day where I wish I had a girlfriend.

Just not in the mood for anything...nothing at all. One of those days where you should be having fun, and I was, it was lots of fun. But I dunno, once they left I just went downhill. [sigh]
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Wow. This was quite the eventful day. I go to skool, nothing much happened, but, skool is skool, it's not gonna change. Anyways, I went to the mall at 6:00. I wandered around for 5 minutes, to find Daniel! I had no idea he was gonna be there, but I'm thankful he was. We wandered around for an hour, and we then watched the Matrix, but that was after we followed Sho, Zoe, Zahra, etc. around the mall for 15 pointless minutes. I don't know why I tried. They just ignored me, btu I did get to see Zoe for the first time, which was cool. Anyways, Revolutions was cool, but dissapointing. For those of you who haven't seen it - OH WELL! It had some cool action scenes, especially near the end. Now for my long and lengthy description of my movie watching experience.

The beginning wasn't impressive. It did it's job, making Reloaded flow straight into Revolutions. Neo, after stopping the sentinels, went into a coma. At this point, he is stuck between the machine world, and the real world. He cannot leave this place until the trainman lets him. The trainman is a program made by the....[guess] Merolvingian. Seraph, Trinity, and Morpheus then walk through a very controversial dance club [i'll let your imagination take that away...] and force the Merolvingian to bring Neo back. Neo comes back, and then Bane comes back too. Bane kills a nurse, yea yea. So Neo sees the Oracle, all that stuff. Neo and Trinity then take the Logos to the machine city, and the rest of the crew head for Zion, which at this point is under attack. They do lots of cool scenes with that. Anyways, half of Zon is destroyed, but the Hammer gets back in time to EMP half of all the sentinal forces. Meanwhile Neo and Trinity are at the machine city, and theres some cool scenes against the machines. They send like 5000 little sentinal bombs against them and Neo blows one up, and they all was cool. Neo talks to the head of Machines, which is really stupid. It's like this liquid mirror thingy. Really strange. He convinces the mirror to let him into the Matrix so he can fight Smith, this saving Zion. He lets him, and so he goes in. While this is going on, another 100,000 sentinals arrived at Zion and started blowing stuff up again. Neo fights Smith, which includes lots of explosions and water and metorites. It was cool. So Smith eventually copies himself into Neo. But because 'Neo and Smith are exact opposites', all 6 billion Smiths...explode. Including Neo. The matrix is rebooted, and a truce is maintained between the machines and the humans. Bad ending.

So that was my day. It was fun.

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Well don't I feel stupid. I forgot to mention two rather cool events since Wednesday. In PE on Wednesday we're doing weight llifting for a week. I tried the leg press, and I did the entire stack of weights - 400 lbs. I only weigh 130 lbs. I got up this morning and my shoulders were scarred. I have no idea how I did it, but yea, I kinda scared myself. In Bio I nailed the last test we had - 106%. The teacher said I could skip certain review assignments to study the SAT II's. My current test score average in there is 99.9%. Blessings of God, I guess.
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I haven't done well on updating this week. I keep going to make a new post and something important comes up. I WILL finish the post! Today was good. I got my hairz cut, and I bought myself Jedi Acedemy. It sets me back 50 bux, but my dad owes me 25 bux, and someone from skool owes me 20. It's all good. Tomorrow is Revolutions, I'll be gone all day. I go from skool to the mall and stay there till 10:00. I'm gonna get to know that mall pretty well. Anyways, nothing much happened other than I have significantly less hair than before today. Good day, though. So was yesterday. Good dayz. TOMORROW IS GONNA ROXX!
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Go techno, baby! Downloaded about 10 techno songs, ah, I love the stuff. Today was cool. Nothing really happened, but skool was fun. Nobody got mad at me, but yet another day of nothing, something has to happen sometime, I'm getting all paranoid about me not doing anything stupid yet. Maybe I DID do something stupid, I just haven't realized it. Oh well. Happy day, happy day....hehe.
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Interesting day. All my days are interesting, actually, but I can't think of a better word to describe my day, or I just don't feel like putting forth the effort. Hehe. Anyways, church Nothing really happened. Sam, Jesse, Ben, Nolan came over, they played Halo, Sam and I chatted with people online. Overall fun.

Not much has happened today, but that's ok. Skool tomorrow!

A thing on Chivalry I had saved in my emails, which I like referring to.

The Points of Chivalry:

Justice: Seek always the path of 'right', unencumbered by bias or personal interest. Recognize that the sword of justice can be a terrible thing, so it must be tempered by humanity and mercy. If the 'right' you see rings agrees with others, and you seek it out without bending to the temptation for expediency, then you will earn renown beyond measure.

Loyalty: Be known for unwavering commitment to the people and ideals you choose to live by. There are many places where compromise is expected; loyalty is not amongst them.

Defense: The ideal knight was sworn by oath to defend his liege lord and those who depended upon him. Seek always to defend your nation, your family, and those to whom you believe worthy of loyalty.

Courage: Being a knight often means choosing the more difficult path, the personally expensive one. Be prepared to make personal sacrifices in service of the precepts and people you value. At the same time, a knight should seek wisdom to see that stupidity and courage are cousins. Courage also means taking the side of truth in all matters, rather than seeking the expedient lie. Seek the truth whenever possible, but remember to temper justice with mercy, or the pure truth can bring grief.

Faith: A knight must have faith in his beliefs, for faith roots him and gives hope against the despair that human failings create.

Humility: Value first the contributions of others; do not boast of your own accomplishments, let others do this for you. Tell the deeds of others before your own, according them the renown rightfully earned through virtuous deeds. In this way the office of knighthood is well done and glorified, helping not only the gentle spoken of but also all who call themselves knights.

Largesse: Be generous in so far as your resources allow; largesse used in this way counters gluttony. It also makes the path of mercy easier to discern when a difficult decision of justice is required.

Nobility: Seek great stature of character by holding to the virtues and duties of a knight, realizing that though the ideals cannot be reached, the quality of striving towards them ennobles the spirit, growing the character from dust towards the heavens. Nobility also has the tendency to influence others, offering a compelling example of what can be done in the service of rightness.

Franchise: Seek to emulate everything I have spoken of as sincerely as possible, not for the reason of personal gain but because it is right. Do not restrict your exploration to a small world, but seek to infuse every aspect of your life with these qualities. Should you succeed in even a tiny measure then you will be well remembered for your quality and virtue.
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This day feels like such a blur, and I'm really tired. Woke up at 10:00, our houseguests didn't leave till noon [about 6 hours after they were supposed to leave], went with Jonathan to see Skool of Rock, was funny, not hilarious, but funny. Other than that, nothing happened. I need sleep.